All I Love and Know by Judith Frank
Published by William Morrow
From the publisher:
For years, Matthew Greene and Daniel Rosen have enjoyed a quiet domestic life together in Northampton, Massachusetts. Opposites in many ways, they have grown together and made their relationship work. But when they learn that Daniel’s twin brother and sister-in-law have been killed in a bombing in Jerusalem, their lives are suddenly, utterly transformed.
In dealing with their families and the need to make a decision about who will raise the deceased couple’s two children, both Matthew and Daniel are confronted with challenges that strike at the very heart of their relationship. What is Matthew’s place in an extended family that does not completely accept him or the commitment he and Daniel have made? How do Daniel’s questions about his identity as a Jewish man affect his life as a gay American? Tensions only intensify when they learn that the deceased parents wanted Matthew and Daniel to adopt the children-six year old Gal, and baby Noam.
The impact this instant new family has on Matthew, Daniel, and their relationship is subtle and heartbreaking, yet not without glimmers of hope. They must learn to reinvent and redefine their bond in profound, sometimes painful ways. What kind of parents can these two men really be? How does a family become strong enough to stay together and endure? And are there limits to honesty or commitment-or love?
All I Love and Know has been compared to a Wally Lamb novel, and Wally Lamb is one of my favorite authors, so it would have been REALLY difficult for Judith Frank to live up to that comparison in my eyes. Well color me shocked – she not only lived up to my expectations, she completely surpassed them. This novel is absolutely fantastic and so complex, so much more than even the above summary explains, so intricate with layers and amazing characters and moral dilemmas and questions that no one can really ever answer … just, the perfect kind of book for me.
I truly do not know what I can say about this novel that will do it justice. These characters are so raw, so real, so unflinchingly honest in their flawed, fragile selves – I wanted to hug them all. There are no bad guys here, every single person is doing their best with an awful, heartbreaking-beyond-words situation – even the ones (mostly Daniel’s sister-in-law’s parents) you aren’t supposed to like I couldn’t help but feel for. They lost their daughter, their only child, only to find out a week later that their daughter’s dying wish was for their grandchildren to be raised in America by a gay couple! I mean – just truly awful, tough stuff. For everyone involved.
This book is everything. It’s about love, about parenting, about gay marriage and gay adoption and being gay in a world that still doesn’t come close to the level of love and acceptance it should, about fitting in and not, about staying committed to a person and a relationship even when what you committed to has completely changed, about death and grieving, about Israel/Palestine conflict/politics, about putting together a family that seems irreparably broken, about how difficult, almost impossible, it is to raise normal, sane children who have been damaged so deeply at such a young age, and even more. I don’t know what else to say. It’s beautiful and sad and broke my heart a million times and I hugged it (literally) when I finished. Because it’s just so good. Judith Frank has written something that will stay with me for a long, long time and I cannot WAIT to see what she does next.